hair

That I would be fine 
Even if I went bankrupt 
That I would be good 
If I lost my hair and my youth 

-That I Would Be Good, Alanis Morissette-

Today i cut my hair on my own. Cut it as short as i can be. Somehow it's liberating to cut your hair in two minutes, not caring for the result or the fact that the cutting wasn't even and wasn't neat. I wish i could be bald, but i just can't do it. Not out of aesthetic consideration but the fact that i don't want to touch razor. It's scary item for me. I don't know why.

But perhaps it's easy for me to cut my hair in 'like i care' manner because i covered my hair. I won't probably be that careless if i have to go out tomorrow with uneven hair and people on the street would stare at me. I don't care because i covered my hair. Somehow, the covering give me the freedom what to do with my hair. Being a curly girl living in an ideal world of long and straight hair, i have to admit i don't miss the bad hair days, or the day that i have to straighten my hair to achieve the ideal look and resulted in me being someone else that i didn't recognized. So i guess, the ultimate liberation is the people who cut her hair in 'like i care' manner and go out the next day showing her hair to the world with the same attitude.

No, my inner introverts won't let such thing happens.

Hair has always been important for women. It's the part of the ideal. In my country it's skinny, fair skin and long and straight hair. Somehow women become more women (whatever that means) when they let the hair long and some who chops the hair also chops some of women identity in them. Meh. Hair also become symbolic meaning of repression when a man can cut her wife hair in 'like i care' manner as the punishment for any disagreement happened between them add up to the door pounding, china breaking and body beating. The inability to communicate translated into the form of action that both can understand. The violence. Any father can do the same. Although i noted that Rapunzel got away from the high tower thanks to her hair, so in Rapunzel's case, (very) long hair can be liberating if you have brain to go with it. I also noted that Sinead (O'Connor) can get away with (almost) bald hair for a very-very long time (although it didn't liberate her from nervous breakdown), and Rihanna, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga and the like can get away with absurd style and hair color as long as you've got the attitude (which i don't).

What am i talking about here? You tell me. But yeah, like Alanis said, 

That i would be good

Even if i lost sanity

That i would be good

Whether with or without you

(That me talking to my hair and thousand other redundant things. Howgh)