it's complicated

.
I can smell the sorrow on your breath
The sweat, the victory and sorrow
The smell of fear, I got it

e-bow the letter, r.e.m.


human being are so complicated.

yesterday i received a tweet from a friend of mine, said, 'if you have food on your table, clothes on your body, and roof over your head, you're richer than 75% of the rest of the world.' the tweet gaves me instant gratification. i mean, hey, i am luckier than 4.5 million people in this world. lots of people out there in far worst condition than me. i should be thankful.

but today, when i read about corey haim and the fact that he die of drug overdose, i just went numb. i mean, obviously, food on your table, clothes on your body and roof over your head are not enough. an actor, the fame and fortune kind, die of drug abuse. obviously, he's not happy. obviously, there's something wrong. no, and it's not just the fame and fortune's kinda problem. it's ours, the modern homo sapiens's problem. celebrity are just the tip of our iceberg.

in his book three cups of tea, greg mortensen quotes a woman who questioning whether the people who living on the far-reach village should be escorted to modernity or leave them that way. she said that they might not rich nor educated, but you can't claimed that they're unhappy. they have this sort of serene happiness. the kind of raw happiness that you feel when you come to a faraway place, saw all the greenery and people waves their hands happily at your arrival. but though i think, when they see the world (and it's possibility) outside of their little village, they may not as content as they were before. they want the change. they want to look beautiful and respectful like the urban. like the americans. like all the movie in hollywood. or bollywood. or those crappy sinetron.

but those beautiful movie-like urban people are not feeling enough just with roof, clothes, and food. they want more. we're human being are greedy we want everything. education. respect. love. beauty. and if we can engineered it, we will. if we can create God, we will too (or have we?). like there's this black hole inside of us it will sucks everything into it without a trace. we want to mended the hole. with love. shopping some more. or crack and joint. or God. or gods.

and here i am asking myself, as part of those modern homo sapiens, what do i want outta life. or if i may rephrase the question, why do i sometimes not feeling happy although i have roof over my head, food on my table, and clothes on my body (and more clothes on my cupboard, and more shoes, and more, and more)? what makes those village people happy although they might not have roof over their head, on on their table, and the only clothes they have is the clothes they wear on their body? if the essence of life can be summarized in two or three words, what would it be?

it's complicated. human being are.
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